i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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