i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
