Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
