Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
