Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
