he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
