:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
