no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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