Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
