I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
