Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
