fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
