So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I believe in your delicious
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize