In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
