I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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