Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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