before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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