No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
