You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize