last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The air was thick with penises
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
