ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
