and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
