I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
