He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
