im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
