hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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