My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
