you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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