I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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