You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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