I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
