My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
