she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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