ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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