Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
