his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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