Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
