She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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