When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
