is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
