She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
