it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
