Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
