We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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