He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
