This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
