but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Randomize
