Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
