my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
tell me about the fingering
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