Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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