Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Randomize
