I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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