If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
