Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
