I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
