do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
